i guess congratulations are in order...

...for those st louis cardinals for winning major league baseball's 2006 world series. my question for today though is if they really deserve to be called the "world champions." i mean, they are definitely this year's champions in the united states/canada, but that definitely doesn't represent the entire world.

earlier this year, there was the world baseball classic which was won by japan. so shouldn't we still be calling japan the "world champions" until at least 2009 (the next world baseball classic)? then again, on thursday, the nippon ham fighters defeated the chunichi dragons to win the 2006 japan series. so if they are the best team in the country with the best baseball team, then why aren't they the world champions? or, since so taguchi is the only japanese player on the st louis cardinals, does that make him the (gasp) best baseball player in the world!?

by the way, if anyone was actually paying attention to the japan series and shinjo's retirement after winning a championship, i read an article somewhere that called him "the nippon hammiest"....haha!! if you know shinjo, you'll know what i'm talking about.

speaking of international sports and athletes as national icons, randy and i got into some pretty intense debate over national soccer teams. when i visited japan in june, i was here for part of the world cup, and it was CRAZY how much the country supported their squad. for example, the daily newspapers were delayed so that they could include results from the games taking place in germany. i especially remember seeing the huge pictures of the soccer players adorned on the outside of department stores in shibuya. anyways, the point of all this is that no one really cares about soccer as a national sport in the united states, where prodigal athletes are groomed for basketball/football/baseball.

even though american teams might not be "world champions" so to speak, it is almost universally accepted that american sports leagues compete at the highest levels. so randy and i were thinking, if all of america's best athletes grew up playing soccer instead of one of those other big three, we could easily have a monster team that is quicker, stronger, bigger, and capable of complete domination. let me illustrate:

goalkeeper: my ideal goalkeeper is a long athlete with ridiculously quick reflexes, as well as an enormous ego and belief that he can single-handedly carry his entire team.

• kobe bryant - this was a no-brainer. all the aforementioned, not to mention mad hops. i can't think of a better clutch performer for those possible shootout situations.
• gilbert arenas (reserve) - just the fact that i'm making him a backup will make him try harder to prove me wrong.
  

sweeper: my sweeper is freak athlete. his intensity and massive size should intimidate opposing players, and his performance will back it up.

• shawne merriman - 6'4" 272 pounds and fast. he's still only 22 and will be a permanent fixture and legendary as kobe's personal bodyguard.
• ben wallace (reserve) - 6'9" 240 pounds and even scarier with the afro. this was my hardest decision on who to start and who to make a reserve. big ben covers shaq for crying out loud.

fullbacks: i'm a strong believer that the defense is the most important to a team's success. as long as you have a good defense, your offense will have opportunities to score. my defenders are great one-on-one competitors. the entire defensive unit will be led by the center fullback, who can also start a counter-attack.

• champ bailey - the best cornerback in the nfl will take on any striker in the world and make sure he doesn't even touch the ball.
• chris paul - cp3 might seem small, but that's cuz you're so used to seeing him on the hardwood. 6'0" is good size for a soccer player and he's my top choice as a center fullback to start the break.
• ron artest - ronron takes the final starting fullback position. no one will want to mess with him, trust me.
• deangelo hall (reserve) - the next champ bailey, could easily work his way into the starting rotation.
• chauncey billups (reserve) - i love proven point guards that are good defenders.
• gerald wallace (reserve) - he will be up in everything, guaranteed.

wings: my wings need unbelievable speed to get up and down the field.

• michael vick - this lefty is unstoppable.
• reggie bush - no explanation necessary.
• carl crawford (reserve) - another lefty with a lot to prove.
• maurice jones-drew (reserve) - this was the hardest position for me to fill. was also thinking earl boykins, but the bruin alum was just irresistable. i'm open for suggestion though.

center midfielders: i'll have one central midfielder to serve as the pitch general, and an attacking midfielder who will take a slightly more offensive position.

• lebron james - lebron will be the starting central midfielder. he's bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter than anyone in the world.
• ladanian tomlinson - l.t. loves to be involved with everything, and he loves to score too.
• derek jeter (reserve) - randy doesn't agree with my choice for lebron's backup, but his veteran presence will be beyond valuable to the team.
• larry johnson (reserve) - almost as good as l.t.

strikers: my two strikers will have distinct roles. one will serve as a withdrawn striker with the ability to score or assist a goal at any time. the other will have only one responsibility...to score goals. lots of them.

• allen iverson - a.i. is my withdrawn striker. he is the ultimate scoring point guard, as well as the quickest player on the pitch.
• terrell owens - he just wants to score and has the rock star personality and trash-talking skills necessary for such a role.
• dwyane wade (reserve) - d-wade wil be a.i.'s backup. while it was slightly disturbing that he's not a starter, his clutch performance will definitely be called up, especially since iverson isn't getting any younger.
• randy moss (reserve) - some say he's past his prime, but all those tip drills will pay off on cornerkicks.
• tracy mcgrady (reserve) - i don't think t-mac would ever be a starter on my team, but his height and ability to score 13 points in 35 seconds must be taken into consideration for the final roster spot.

coaches: this is perhaps the most subjective aspect of the team. comparing a baseball manager with a head coach in basketball is like comparing apples and oranges. but here's my attempt. i guess i'm being kinda generic by going with equal representation.

• joe torre - my choice for head coach of team usa is someone that has proven that he can manage multiple personalities while remaining competitive, even with tons of pressure to succeed.
• phil jackson (assistant) - all that zen stuff should help keep the team under control.
• charlie weis (assistant) - he helped bring glory and optimism back to south bend.
• bruce arena (assistant) - i guess it's important to have a coach that knows a thing or two about soccer.

there you have it. if it was up to me, and1 would be the official apparel provider for the team as a way of establishing street credibility. jon miller and joe buck would do the play-by-play. and color commentary will be provided by john madden, charles barkley, and mike krukow. admittedly, these guys wouldn't stand a chance: